100 Years Ago

There was a newspaper comic, that ran from 1905 to 1927, called The Outbursts of Everett True. The format was simple. In the first panel, someone commits a social transgression. In between, it is implied, Everett True delivers a powerful blow to the transgressor. In the second panel, we see the effects. Everett True is a portly, middle-aged man with a bowler hat and an umbrella. Somehow, this is all better than it sounds. It really works!

A List of People Deserving of a Wallop

I read a collection of over 250 strips and made a list of everything that caught Everett’s ire. An interesting (?) reflection of the mores of the time.

• pranksters who put kick-me signs on others
• people who annoy you for their own amusement
• old men who look at peep-shows
• shoe salesmen who try to tell you which shoes to buy
• people who waste your time with card tricks
• drivers who are cruel to their horses
• people who refer to their wives as “the old woman”
• people who do not observe proper gun safety procedures
• people who tell you your straw hat is out of style
• people who ask how to spell words instead of looking them up in a dictionary
• people who use the phrase “hat in the ring”
• men who act tough but are obedient to their wives
• graffiti artists
• people who think they know everything about politics
• people who talk during plays
• people who enforce formal dress codes in hot weather
• people who make funny faces in photographs
• old men who dress like they’re young
• pornography enjoyers
• hypocritical vegetarians
• people who ask you for the time while you’re carrying heavy luggage
• racists
• guests who take too long to leave
• cheating ice-sellers
• men who wear wrist-watches
• people who don’t say please
• people who block passage-ways
• people who complain about your stubble
• women who wear hats that get in your face on public transport
• pedestrians who wander back and forth on the sidewalk
• people who sneeze right on you
• people who stick their feet out on public transport
• people who think they know secrets for preserving life
• sell-out politicians who argue against women’s suffrage
• people who leave banana-peels out on the streets
• barkers who shout out onto the street
• wife-beaters
• people with beards who kiss babies
• men who wear feathers and bows on their hats
• people who read over your shoulder
• wives who make you buy a new hat
• snake oil peddlars
• people who leave the door open when they come in
• busy people who give you their card
• people who laugh too much when telling a story
• people who can’t get to the point
• men who wear fashionable clothing and moustaches
• people who make fun of your black eye
• people who say “hot dog” instead of “sausage”
• people who try to start arguments about religion
• barbers who use dull razors
• people who like the fuzzy hat your wife made you buy
• shopkeepers who sell poor coffee
• people who goad dogs to fight
• un-masculine Christmas gifts
• muggers
• wives who make you visit neighbors
• churches that give money to foreign missions instead of local needy
• people who block the sidewalk
• rude telephone conversers
• people who tease dogs
• people who hitch horses to your young and fragile tree
• practical jokers who make loud noises to startle you
• litterers
• people who question his methods
• people who seek political appointment for personal gain
• people who only talk about themselves
• people who use the slang term “joint” to refer to a business
• weak handshakes
• purple prose
• people who ask to cut in line
• warhawks
• people who spit chewing tobacco on the sidewalk
• “special cures”
• people who affect a self-important manner
• “food-cranks” who tell others what to eat
• people who try to sneak out on paying back loans
• uninvited dinner guests
• people who try to start arguments
• men who refer to women as “skirts”
• women who don’t say thanks when you give up your seat on the bus
• barbers who gossip too much
• people that bring their unruly children to church
• swimmers who pretend to be drowning to startle on-lookers
• people who wear their hats at an angle
• people who ask you to lie to their spouses on their behalf
• bartenders who serve drunks
• people who throw stones at birds
• stubborn people who won’t concede an argument
• people who threaten children, even in jest
• sloppy letter-writers
• people who go on holiday when they owe a lot of money
• people who take pictures of you in your bathing costume
• people who spit chewing tobacco onto the floor of your office
• people who ask you to solve potentially racist word-problems
• people who talk down firemen
• people who curse in front of children
• people who ask questions that are none of their business
• non-voters
• late dinnerguests who keep others waiting
• houseguests who overstay their welcome
• cigarette-smoking at table
• sidewalk-hogs
• people who toss burning matches on the street
• horse-kickers
• ear-pickers
• politicians who support big business
• men who wear wrist-watches
• men who swear in front of ladies
• people who evoke sympathy for millionaires stranded by war
• people who use fancy words to show off
• pocket-change jinglers
• whistling
• moustache-fiddlers
• drivers who honk at pedestrians
• borrowers who return your books in poor condition
• people who block alleyways
• gossiping barbers
• people who walk across your lawn instead of using a path
• men who wear perfume
• door-to-door salesmen
• reachers
• men who buy themselves a new suit
• drivers who honk their horn late at night
• would-be war-profiteers
• parents who get mad at children who dirty their clothes
• callers who are rude to telephone operators
• new parents who are overly fond of their children
• spitting on the side-walk
• politicians who appeal to patriotism
• people who tease the animals at the zoo
• drivers who don’t put chains on their tires in poor weather
• supporters of temperance who hypocritically go drinking
• litterers
• comedians who heckle the audience
• people who won’t shut up at art galleries
• people who tell puns at work
• people who hog the conversation
• telephone tough guys
• people with New York accents
• back-slappers
• women who giggle on public transit
• men who try to talk to you on public transit
• excessive horse-whippers
• old people with long stories
• people who play music late in the night
• shops that are always closed
• people who ask you your weight
• politicians who turn against their promises
• people with advice for how to avoid a cold
• people who cry at tragedic theatre, but are not charitable to those suffering in real life
• domestic abusers
• barbers who leer at women while working
• people who think this war will be the last one
• people who correct your grammar
• men who get manicures
• people who end every sentence with “see”
• people who touch you while talking
• guests who stay too long
• pastors who talk about the latest news
• adults who tell children that there is no Santa Claus (x2)
• evolutionists
• litterers
• dainty new neckties
• passengers who take up too much space on public transit
• parents who won’t let there kids play with firecrackers
• people who set off firecrackers early in the morning
• people who titter at nudity in art galleries
• hypocritcal parents who shame their children by claiming to have been better behaved themselves
• barbers who try to upsell you a massage
• houseguests whose absence from the breakfast table necessitates a second breakfast
• barbers who ask too many questions
• drivers who hitch their horses out of the shade
• police officers who abuse newsboys and peddlars
• rich people who scorn laborers
• men who wear shirst with a feminine collar
• people who don’t say thank you
• people who don’t recognize Columbus Day
• people who talk in the theater
• equivocators
• phonographs
• guests who talk poorly of their hosts
• social activities
• people who put their Christmas shopping off
• priests who marry young women to old men
• people who force their way through the sidewalk
• useless Christmas gifts
• people who are ungrateful for Christmas gifts
• corporate lawyers
• people who trust in clairvoyants
• debtors who won’t pay up
• public displays of affection
• pushy pedlars of sheet music
• people late for appointments
• door-to-door salesmen
• people who kick dogs
• people who don’t use the phonebook
• office tattle-tales
• politicians who don’t do good for their constituents
• arguers who use ad hominem
• plumbers who charge too much
• people who bring their noisy infants to church service
• borrowers of books who don’t return them
• men who wear wrist-watches
• political candidates who hand out cigars
• barbers with onion breath
• inattentive shop clerks
• pedestrians who wear a path across your lawn
• advertisers that spoil the landscape with billboards
• bystanders that laugh when you chase after your hat
• people who buy drinks when they can’t provide for their families
• office-women who come crying to their boss
• anyone who wouldn’t let a billboard burn down
• men with thin narrow moustaches
• neighbors who don’t mow their lawn
• people who laugh at those who speak English with difficulty
• motion picture companies that ruin adaptations of novels
• proprietors that serve a poor cup of coffee
• neighbors with noisy birds
• movie posters with lurid scenes
• people who leave their cat alone when they leave for vacation
• people who kow-tow to the wealthy
• men who swear in front of women and children
• practical jokers who blow out your match
• shopkeepers who would sell a revolver to a 16-year-old
• transit workers who lick their fingers before handing you a ticket
• young women employees who run off and get married
• big, bushy, unsanitary beards
• jokers who don’t give you the time when you ask
• advertisements before motion pictures
• lawyers who call you a liar in questioning
• jokers who make cracks about your appearance
• clerks who put your change on the counter, instead of in your hand
• dead relatives who want you to abstain from alcohol and tobacco
• people who try to push their way through crowds
• ladies who want to join the gentleman at cards
• diners who wipe their hands on the table cloth
• speeches that are just dry collections of statistics
• whistlers in the office
• dandies
• esoteric topics in church sermons
• bearers of bad news who can’t break it gently
• immigrants who talk down the country they came to and talk up the country they came from
• men who don’t say “yes, ma’am” to older ladies
• strict guards who won’t let you get your umbrella after closing time
• amateur theatricals
• butchers who try to sell you hamburger
• arguers with no good opinions who argue for the sake of arguing
• parents who don’t let their sons play and get dirty
• bad singers
• people who go outdoors half-dressed
• bench-sitters who complain about patriotic children making noise in the park
• people who ask how long the war will last
• draft-dodgers who get married to avoid the war